How to Stop Apologizing for Existing
You were never too much, just taught to shrink.
There’s an apology many of us have been making for years.
It doesn’t always sound like “I’m sorry.”
Sometimes, it sounds like minimizing your voice. Holding your breath. Shrinking your truth. Second-guessing every thought before it leaves your mouth.
It’s the silent, chronic apology for existing. And the truth is, you don’t owe the world that apology anymore.
Where It Starts: The Quiet Conditioning
Most of us weren’t born apologizing for who we are, we learned it.
If you were raised in survival mode, socialized to be agreeable, or made to feel “too much” for being sensitive, smart, bold, or emotional, then you probably know this apology well.
Maybe you were praised for being quiet. Corrected for asking questions. Labeled “dramatic” for crying, “rude” for saying no, or “selfish” for simply having needs.
So, you adapted.
You became small to stay safe.
You said “sorry” when someone else bumped into you.
The Apology That Isn’t Yours to Carry
Here’s what’s true:
Apologizing for existing is often a trauma response. It’s what happens when your presence, pain, or power made others uncomfortable, and they made you responsible for their discomfort.
You’ve likely been taught that:
Your needs are “too much.”
Your joy is “extra.”
Your boundaries are “rude.”
Your truth is “inconvenient.”
But none of those are your burden to carry.
These are projections, reflections of a world that profits from your silence.
5 Ways to Stop Apologizing for Existing
1. Catch the Unconscious Apologies
Start by noticing the subtle ways you apologize:
“Sorry, but…”
“I just wanted to…”
“I know this sounds silly…”
“I’m probably overreacting…”
These phrases often signal internalized shame.
Try replacing them with:
“Thanks for your patience.”
“Here’s what I need.”
“Let me be clear.”
2. Own Your Space. No Explanations Required
You don’t need a disclaimer before setting boundaries or changing your mind.
Say it simply:
“I’m not available.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I’ve changed my mind.”
You don’t need permission to be clear.
3. Affirm Your Right to Exist
It may sound cheesy, but it’s neurological. Affirmations rewire the brain.
Try saying:
“I have a right to take up space.”
“I am enough, even when I rest.”
“I don’t have to earn love or worthiness.”
Say it aloud. Especially when you don’t believe it.
That’s when your nervous system needs it most.
4. Surround Yourself With Mirrors, Not Judges
Spend time with people who reflect your wholeness, not those who make you question it.
If you constantly feel like you’re too much or not enough around someone, it’s a sign, not a flaw.
Find your people. Or be your person, until they arrive.
5. Rewrite the Internal Narrative
Ask yourself:
Who first made me feel like I had to apologize for who I am?
Whose voice am I still carrying?
What do I gain by staying small, and what do I lose?
Once you name the story, you get to stop letting it define you.
You Don’t Need to Be Less. You Need to Be Free
You are not here to be convenient.
You are not here to be silent.
You are not here to earn the right to be.
You are here to live boldly, softly, and fully.
No more apologies. Just truth. Just presence. Just you.
Journal Prompt:
Where in my life am I still apologizing for who I am? What would I say or do if I trusted that my existence didn’t need defending?
Mantra:
“I release the need to apologize for existing. I was never too much. I am always enough.”
Written by Marcia Blane, LPC, NCC, C.Ht.
Licensed Mental Health Counselor | Trauma-Informed Life Coach | Clinical Hypnotherapist
www.marciablane.com
