Reclaiming Yourself in Motherhood
They say becoming a mother changes everything, and they’re right.
But what they don’t always say out loud is that sometimes, in the process of becoming “Mom,” we lose sight of the woman we were before. And that loss can be quiet, gradual, and deeply painful.
Motherhood is a profound calling, but for many women, it comes with invisible grief: the loss of time, identity, dreams, friendships, even names. This post is for the mothers who are showing up for everyone, but wondering where they went in the process. It’s an invitation to remember that you still matter, too.
The Sacred Sacrifice We Don’t Talk About Enough
Motherhood often asks for everything, your sleep, your body, your career, your energy, your focus. And many of us gave it willingly, believing that to be “good” meant to give without limit.
But sacrifice without replenishment is unsustainable.
And love shouldn’t require self-erasure.
Too many mothers are walking through life on autopilot, pouring from an empty cup, internalizing guilt for even thinking about their own needs.
Clinical Insight: Research shows that maternal burnout, when left unacknowledged, can lead to increased anxiety, depression, and disconnection from both self and loved ones.
You are not selfish for wanting to feel like a whole person again.
You’re human.
You’re Not Just a Mother, You’re Still You
Somewhere beneath the lunch-making, homework-helping, crisis-handling, schedule-juggling magic of motherhood is a woman with her own story. A woman who had a name before she became “Mom.”
And she’s still in there.
She’s not lost, she’s just waiting.
Waiting for a quiet moment. A full breath. A soft yes.
Waiting to be remembered.
Practical Step: Take five minutes each day to check in with yourself, not as a mother, but as you. Ask: “What do I need today?” It can be that simple.
The Guilt That Keeps You Disconnected
Let’s talk about mom guilt; that constant, nagging feeling that if you're not giving 110%, you’re failing. It’s loud, it’s relentless, and it’s often based on unrealistic standards rooted in cultural conditioning, not truth.
Here’s the thing: tending to yourself isn’t neglect.
It’s modeling emotional health. It’s demonstrating balance. It’s showing your children that care goes both ways.
As therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab says:
"Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously."
The Path Back to Self Doesn’t Have to Be Dramatic
Reconnection doesn’t require a plane ticket, a drastic life change, or even a solo weekend (though those help). It starts with intention.
Saying your full name out loud.
Wearing something that makes you feel beautiful.
Picking up a hobby that isn’t for income or anyone else’s benefit.
Listening to music that reminds you of who you were before the diapers and deadlines.
It’s small, consistent acts of remembrance.
You’re not just someone’s mother. You’re still someone’s daughter, dreamer, artist, healer, woman.
Healing Through Community and Care
While the journey back to self is personal, it’s rarely solitary. Black women especially have long held space for each other; in the kitchen, the sanctuary, the circle.
Healing is found in therapy, yes. But also in laughter, in shared tears, in affirming spaces where your full humanity is welcomed. If you’re feeling disconnected, seek community. It doesn’t make you needy. It makes you wise.
And if no one has told you lately: You’re doing your best. That’s enough. And you are still worthy of joy.
Closing Words: Come Home to Yourself
There’s no one right way to mother.
But there is a right to be; to feel, to rest, to rediscover yourself without guilt.
If no one else gives you permission to reclaim yourself, let this be it.
You are allowed to be both a devoted mother and a whole, living, breathing woman.
The world needs you. And more importantly, you need you.
If this message spoke to you, you’ll want to check out my latest podcast episode, “Motherhood with Marcia.” Because motherhood is a beautiful extension of who we are, but never the full story. You are a mother, and you are so much more. 🎧 Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/@authenticallypeculiarmarciab
Written by Marcia Blane, LPC, NCC, C.Ht.
Licensed Mental Health Counselor | Trauma-Informed Life Coach | Clinical Hypnotherapist
www.marciablane.com
